* Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

* You wake up face down on the pavement.

* You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

* You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

* Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse.

* You see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office.

* Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

* The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.

* The pills you've been taking for ten years have just been withdrawn from the market by the FDA.

* Your wife says, "Good Morning, John!" and your name isn't John.

* Your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and worse news..."

* You realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant.

* You discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humor is putting crazy glue in your Preparation H.

* your ex-lover calls and tells you he has 6 days to live, and that you'd better get the Test.

* You turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out
of your city.

* You wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then you
realize that you don't have a water bed.

* Your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a
group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

* Your four-year-old wakes you up with the news that its almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.

* You open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads:
"WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!"