HOW TO BE ANNOYING
*Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way". *Drum on every available surface. *Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape. *Staple papers in the middle of the page. *Ask 800 operators for dates. *Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings. *Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks. *Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". *Set alarms for random times. *Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip... *Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon. *Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted. *Honk and wave to strangers. *Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange. *Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. *Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies. *Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music". *ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. *Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. *Pay for your dinner with pennies. *Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. *Light road flares on a birthday cake. *Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. *Leave tips in Bolivian currency. *Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador". *Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. *At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. *When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained. *Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One". *As much as possible, skip rather than walk. *Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read. *Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. *Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it. *Drive half a block. *Name your dog "Dog". *Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. *Ask people what gender they are. *Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray. *Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes. *Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol. *Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. *While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. *Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. *Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. *Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. *Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. *Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. *Ask to "interface" with someone. *Sing along at the opera. *Mow your lawn with scissors. *At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!" *Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend". *Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook... something about "psychological profiles". *Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket." *Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".
